I have experienced different forms of grief. I loss my son to Suicide in 2010. I also lost my mom and grandmother 5 months apart in 2015.
They all affected me very differently.
My son’s death affected me the most, because it wasn’t the natural order of things.
With Branden’s death I was depressed, and couldn’t sleep for a long time. I was easily agitated and just in a general fog. It took me a while to get back up, but eventually, even though the waves still came, with prayer and therapy I was able to get up sooner.
There were times grief would hit like a strong wave, and knock me down. It’s important when walking through this that you are gentle with yourself. I know the world thinks 3 days off, and you should be ready to face the world again, but this is so not true.
Before therapy I didn’t realize grief was something that you don’t get over. It’s always with you– you just learn to carry it differently. There used to be a time that I couldn’t talk about these losses. I know now that if you can help the next person with their struggle, you should.
So take time to cry, to heal, and to live again. People should be more patient with those who’ve lost a loved one. Though death is normal, it’s still hard for our minds to believe that we’re never going to see this person again.
It’s best to have a support system. That can be family, friends, your church family or counseling. I have them all, and for that I’m thankful to be in a better place.
I will never stop missing them, but instead of dwelling on that, I have learned to embrace the memories. I learned I’m stronger than I thought. With that being said I had to know that it’s ok to cry, to miss them, and to still enjoy life even though they aren’t here.
I truly learned my strength comes from God.
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