I constantly found myself failing at my goals. I didn’t feel pretty enough, fit enough, or wealthy enough.
Whether it was overly investing myself in my relationships trying to prove myself to them, attempting a gym and diet regimen that always failed because I would crash and fall back into my depression, or worrying about being the best friend I could be for others–in the end I realized that I still didn’t love me.
Yet, what still remained is the question of why? Why are we constantly in search of self improvement? Why don’t we take a moment to pause and ask who the self improvement is for, and are we creating this improvement so that we can be our better selves or to be like others?
For me, I moved to other states in search for happiness, and then everything fell apart.
I couldn’t do it anymore, it was showing, and I couldn’t hide what I really was– which was broken.
I would pray and ask God for a sign, a “please hit me with it!” loud sign. I was begging Him for His help.
Then one day, I was sitting at brunch with a friend in Miami. As I looked up at this building, the address number was 555 on a high rise; The same address as my then current high rise in Nashville.
Fast forward to a trip I went on in February to Dallas, and I was waiting to be seated for brunch again. I noticed the numbers 555 on a high rise apartment across the street, again.
I realized that was my sign. No matter where I went, who I was with, or what I did nothing would be right unless I was fulfilling the higher purpose God set out for me.
I’ve always been good at loving other people, helping others, and being a guide. I immediately landed a job fulfilling that purpose when I got home. A complete career change from what I had been doing for the last 3 years.
Fast forward to today, and can honestly say that I found the perfect version of me. I was sitting outside at home, painting on the porch like I always do. I started creating reels to share my art, because I do a lot of art therapy for myself. I heard a trending reel song by Gayathri Krishnan 444.
The song said, “ My soul is guiding me, aligning me, providing me divine energy. The universe is on my side, I’m manifesting what is always meant to be. I listened to my inner guidance, always was so clear this the path I choose.”
This version of me is perfect me–loving myself for who I am.